


Outside the World

by WordCollector



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Altar Boy Bucky Barnes, Christmas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-09 19:27:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5552375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WordCollector/pseuds/WordCollector
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve and Bucky find themselves on the same bench.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Outside the World

There is a dusting of snow on the trees. It’s Christmas morning and the streets are quiet, almost everything is closed. Most people are tucked away in their homes, many opening presents. Occasionally a car will swish down the road, turning the fresh snow into black slush. 

Snow settles in his hair as Bucky sits motionless on a bench under a leafless tree. From the bench, he can see the evergreen wreaths decorating the doors of Sacred Heart Catholic Church. A pair of altar boys arrive even though Christmas Mass doesn’t start for another hour. An hour gives them enough time to dress in their white vestments, light candles, and prepare the incense. He knows the feel of the thin crisp white fabric. The heat of the freshly lit candles. The strong smell of incense, as the pale smoke curls towards the ceiling. He doubts much has changed inside since he was a kid. 

He remembers burning his finger while messing with the incense when he was twelve. Didn’t tell anyone till after mass. Steve saw the burnt finger and immediately knew what happened. Bucky fessed up, while Steve put some salve on it. 

Sitting with his own thoughts, Bucky doesn’t notice him till he sits to his right on the bench. He doesn’t even brush the seat off. His pants will be wet. They sit side by side, staring at the Church. Neither says a thing. Gradually, more people start to arrive at the church. Men and women in their good clothes, bustle along bundled in heavy coats. Families arrive shortly before mass, holding hands and laughing as they go through the doors. One couple tries to soothe a crying baby. 

Steve reaches up rubs at his nose, then uses the back of his hand to wipe at his eyes. Bucky looks over, and Steve looks away.

Still facing away, Steve talks to the crisp breeze “I didn’t think…Buck, I never thought you would have survived the fall. I’m sorry…” He trails off and they both sit in silence. 

Bucky stares at the back of Steve’s head for a second before he reaches over and puts his right hand on Steve’s shoulder. Gives it a quick squeeze before pulling away. “Do you remember the time when I tripped on the steps to the altar. Busted my nose.”

Steve looks back at him, and Bucky returns to staring at the outer doors of the church. Quietly Steve answers, “I wasn’t there that day. You told me you got blood all over your robes, and on your good tie.” Steve paused, adding “You wanted to quit after that. I think Father Whitten felt bad for you. He tried to convince you to get right back on the horse.”

“McCabe tripped me.” Bucky laid the statement there, like a confession. His eyes never straying from the church door.

Steve’s smile dropped. “Did you tell Father Whitten?” His words were low, angry, coming as puffs of white smoke.

“No. No one knows but me and you.” Bucky said quietly.

“And McCabe. He knows.” Steve huffed. 

“He’s dead. Died in Italy right after I was shipped out.” Bucky paused, then looked over at Steve. “Sometimes, you gotta let things go.”

Steve frowned, then stood “Like you let things go. You’ve taken down over a dozen Hydra bases alone. Let me help you.”

“I need to do some things on my own. If I don’t…” Bucky trailed off, looked down at his gloved hands. “I needed to make up for what I did.”

Standing over Bucky, Steve growled “You have nothing to make up for. All those things are on Hydra.” Bucky flinched and looked away. Steve sunk back down onto the bench. Almost reached out to touch Bucky’s arm, but pulled his hand back at the last second. Instead, he folded his hands in his lap. “It’s all my fault. If I hadn’t volunteered for Project Rebirth…”

“I’d be dead.” Bucky cut Steve off.

“Or, the allies would have rescued you. You could have been fine.”

“I wouldn’t have made it another day on that table. I watched other men, strong men, die in there. No one made it out of that room alive.” Bucky was looking at Steve now. Not just looking. His eyes were searching, trying to see where tiny weak Steve Rogers transformed into what they see in front of them. Steve was used to people trying to figure it out. Used to the strange awed scrutiny people use to try to put the two images together in their minds.

Bucky continued “You got me out of that room. Walked into a Nazi base alone and rescued all of us.” He looked Steve right in the eyes. “I still can’t figure out how you aren’t dead.”

“From the Nazi’s or the ice?” Steve asked.

“From everything. When other people try to keep away from danger, you go looking for it.” he answered, “Here you are, still looking for a fight.”

Steve smiled again. “I don’t actually look for fights.”

“Don’t lie to me.” Bucky’s forehead creased. Steve stopped smiling. 

“You seem pretty good at finding fights too.” Steve added.

“I’m done. I’m not doing that any more.” Bucky returned to staring at the door. The service had begun and they could hear the organ start the opening hymn.

When the hymn finished, Steve asked “What are you going to do?” 

Bucky paused, and searched the sky for a moment before answering. “You know, I have no idea.”

“I got a brownstone near here.” Steve said “It’s only a couple of blocks from where we used to live.”

“You can’t live in a brownstone.” Bucky gasped.

Steve tilted his head. “Why not?”

“There’s no security. Why aren’t you staying with your buddy Stark, and all of his robots?” Bucky’s voice had raised a bit.

“Stark and I, We don’t always see eye to eye.”

“It’s gotta be better than staying by yourself.” Bucky stood up, looked down at Steve. “Do you have any security with SHIELD gone?”

“I don’t need security.”

“Bullshit. Hydra wants you. They get you, and they could make a hundred more just like you.”

“I can fend for myself.” Steve stated, then softening “But…It would be easier with someone to watch my back.”

“I can’t keep you safe, Steve.” Bucky looked away, back at the church “You aren’t safe around me.”

“This is my turn to call Bullshit” Steve said with half a smile.

“Come on Steve, don’t be naive. They got so far inside my head, I didn’t know my own name. I’m not safe for anyone, especially you. They knew we were friends when they sent me to kill you. Hydra always knew who I was. They wanted to hurt you. They wanted you to know it was me.”

Steve’s smile was gone. He looked angry again. “You remembered me in the end. That’s all that counts.”

“I think I remembered you after we fought on the bridge. I still tried to kill you on the Hellicarrier. You would have been just as dead.” Bucky was looking Steve right in the eyes “They could still have a trigger in me now. What if I…What If I hurt you?” Bucky slumped back on the bench after that. “I couldn’t live with that.”

Steve still looked angry, “It’s my risk to take.” 

“You are one selfish bastard.” Bucky growled.

“I am. I’m tired, and I want to stop.” Steve just looked sad now.

“Yeah. Me too.” 

Steve stood “I just bought some machine that makes coffee when you put a pod into it. I bought a dozen different kinds of coffee. Want to come try it out?”

“You do know those things have been around for a decade?” Bucky asked.

“Is that yes?”

“Somebody has to get the thing working. It’s still in the box isn’t it?” Bucky smirked.

Steve smiled “I’ll have you know I had it working last night. But, I have donuts too.”

“Well, I can’t resist a doughnut.” Bucky smiled back.


End file.
